Thugmai!

This blog post is dedicated to my good friends and vampire hunters, Michelle and Jim. Word to your Thugmai, bitches!

True Life Story of the Pastor and the WHORE!

Just moments ago, we were driving home in a borrowed pickup truck when we encountered a woman waving her arms and calling to us as she ran across the street. (Honestly, we may have kept traveling had we not been at a stop and had she not been running directly in front of our vehicle, but I digress...) Frantic-Pants proceeded to knock on the passenger side window and the natural response was to see what in tarnation her problem was.

Me: Yes? What's going on?
Frantic-Pants (short of breath): OK!... I just caught the pastor in the back of the church with a whore. Please, I beg you. I will not survive the night if I don't get out of here.
Me: Umm...
Frantic-Pants (now yelling): Ma'am, I'm just trying to get to ReadyMan!* Please, I don't want to die!
Me: I'm sorry, but I can't give you a ride. This isn't even my truck.
Frantic-Pants: WHAAAAAT?!?!?! MA'AM! (as window is going up and we're pulling away)

Unfortunately, this encounter went down a mere two blocks from our house, where we would need to stop and unload a mattress set out of the back of the truck. Thus, we feared she would continue chasing after us (and she did for a bit), screaming "Ma'aaaam! MA'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!" But, alas, clearly she was murdered on the street because she quieted shortly and did not manage to catch up with us... yet.

If I'm going to hell...

Please send the brochure on hand baskets. I am curious of the amenities provided during my trip down south.

Random Woot Shirts Experiment Results

I Blame Rich...

For what you are about to see.

How to Ruin Your Favorite Song...

Step One: Look for covers on YouTube, in hopes of finding some creative new rendition.
Step Two: Find this.

Holy Enunciation!!!

Once, my sister tried to kill me with raisins. Now, she just tries to make my head explode by sending me links like this:



J-j-j-JESUS! Wow, that is some serious enunciation you have going on there, my friend.... my friend is NOT Jesus.

It's Milky!

What's the best thing about the pre-holiday season? Thrift stores!

I'm convinced that there are warehouses full of quack goodies, horded by the charity factions to fill the shelves after Labor Day... as if they are cashing in the the shopping season as well. Consumerism infiltrates all possible avenues! Mwaaaahahahaha!

Either that, or people are dumping their household extras in the fall to make room for more piles o' excess when Santa comes tumbling down their chimneys in December. (That's not a very exciting angle though.) Whatever the case, the net result is lots and lots o' goodies for me.

Long story short, we found this gem yesterday... How did we ever live without it?

When Smurfs Attack...

It's things like this that do not help my t-shirt buying problem.  I can stop any time.

Smurfs Attack t-shirt design @ © SplitReason.com

To Learn More...

(The below is a real ad.)

Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc.
douche bag

To learn more about douche bag visit Britannica.com

© 2008 Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc.

Haiku for Skeletor, Part Deux

What happens when you translate and re-translate the literary classic, "Haiku for Skeletor," in various languages? Apparently... not much if you use the Google translation tool.

However, Yahoo's Babelfish does not disappoint and completely screws it up! YAY! Way to suck.

Nemesi fettleibig! Battle armament too comfortably now. Mountain Bowflex of the queue?*

*Results from English to Italian to French to German and back to English translation. Too comfortably now, indeed!

Run, Don't Walken!

"A comedy centered on three museum security guards who devise a plan to steal back the artworks to which they have become attached after they are transferred to another museum."

The above is a snippet description of an upcoming movie featuring everyone's favorite cinematic weirdo, Christopher Walken. I am already disappointed. Why? WHY? This sounds like $10 better spent on Hot Pockets and Pepto.

Haiku for Fat Skeletor

Portly nemesis!
Battle armor too snug now.
Snake Mountain Bowflex?

You Know I Love You!

Wow... just wow. There are so many things wrong with this scene. Is it just me or does he look constipated and she look pissed? Or, maybe that's just how the Feldmans roll, baby!

I question the motivation behind those tears. I suspect it's "Oh my God... that divorce lawyer is going to be expensive."

Latest Celebrity Couple: Christjelina

I "learned" over the weekend that a marriage is an eternal bond among three people: a man, a woman and the Lord. I mentioned this to my friend Jen* via IM earlier today. She pointed out that if you consider that the Lord looks just like Angelina Jolie, then this is seriously a hot idea. Good point.... DAMN good point. AMEN!
*Names have not been changed to protect the innocent. I have at least 5 friends named Jen. Anyone of them could be responsible for this epiphany! You make the call.

Coming to a Christian Music Store Near You...

While visiting the Milwaukee lakefront this weekend, Marc and Scot were inspired by a vanity plate. "All 4 God" will be recording its first studio album, "Smack My Christ Up," starting next month.

Sweet Indeed

This band is hilarious:



I found them on thesixtyone.com. You should sign up there if you haven't already. And, you should tell them that I sent you (user id: pendragon), so we can share playlists and whatnots.

Things to do instead of sleeping right now...

1. Finally create historically neglected blog account...


2. Continue to wrack up points on thesixtyone.com...


3. Debate alternate phrase for "historically neglected," but fail to think of anything better...

4. Attempt to update Netflix queue and experience thwarting:

5. Search definition of "anabiosis." (Holy crap this is a cool word!)

6. Update Amazon.com wishlist with another book.

7. Spellcheck blog entry. (Haha! Spellcheck thinks "anabosis" is spelled wrong.)

8. Check bid on El Grande in BGG auction. Still winning.

9. Google "seahorse tattoo."

10. Your MOM'S a seahorse! (It's funny at 1:56AM.) "Save Now." "Publish Post."