Thugmai!

This blog post is dedicated to my good friends and vampire hunters, Michelle and Jim. Word to your Thugmai, bitches!

True Life Story of the Pastor and the WHORE!

Just moments ago, we were driving home in a borrowed pickup truck when we encountered a woman waving her arms and calling to us as she ran across the street. (Honestly, we may have kept traveling had we not been at a stop and had she not been running directly in front of our vehicle, but I digress...) Frantic-Pants proceeded to knock on the passenger side window and the natural response was to see what in tarnation her problem was.

Me: Yes? What's going on?
Frantic-Pants (short of breath): OK!... I just caught the pastor in the back of the church with a whore. Please, I beg you. I will not survive the night if I don't get out of here.
Me: Umm...
Frantic-Pants (now yelling): Ma'am, I'm just trying to get to ReadyMan!* Please, I don't want to die!
Me: I'm sorry, but I can't give you a ride. This isn't even my truck.
Frantic-Pants: WHAAAAAT?!?!?! MA'AM! (as window is going up and we're pulling away)

Unfortunately, this encounter went down a mere two blocks from our house, where we would need to stop and unload a mattress set out of the back of the truck. Thus, we feared she would continue chasing after us (and she did for a bit), screaming "Ma'aaaam! MA'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!" But, alas, clearly she was murdered on the street because she quieted shortly and did not manage to catch up with us... yet.

If I'm going to hell...

Please send the brochure on hand baskets. I am curious of the amenities provided during my trip down south.